Check out me awards. Go on, I’ll be your best mate… Anyways, here are my oh so prestigious super well thought out Awards of 2017.
You fucked up! of 2017
I’m just gonna do a quick bullet point list of the highlights here.
- Fucked up Mass Effect. Andromeda came out in a hideously buggy and unpolished state with a story nowhere near the quality of the original trio.
- Fucked up Need for Speed. Took a year off only to a make a mediocre racer with a bland story.
- Shuttered one studio then bought another pretty much straight away. Visceral Games, the makers of Dead Space, were yet another developer EA chewed up and spat out. Then only 3 weeks later they bought Respawn Entertainment, the Titanfall folks.
- Destroyed Star Wars Battlefront. The first rebooted Battlefront was a threadbare shadow of the original duo of games. The second time around it was a lootbox infested, pay to win nightmare with a predictable story mode.
- Went so EA with lootboxes that governments are stepping in. They were so blatant and so greedy with the lootboxes in Battlefront 2 that Belgian and Hawaiian governments have branded it gambling while other countries have also spoken negatively on the matter.
No one else came close
Phenomenon of 2017
What more can you say. Nintendo brought it big style. It seemed like a dream for so long, having a console quality device you could play at home and on the go, but ol’ Ninty made it happen.
Sure they bungled voice chat and we still have to see how the online shapes up, but in no uncertain terms the Switch has been phenomenal.
Add great Mario and Zelda titles into the mix and there is no surprise Switches have been flying off the shelves!
Snes Mini, Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds
Most Dreamy of 2017
For a start the lazy sod has been fast asleep for 100 years, that alone wins the category…
Though if we are talking about the other kind of dreamy then let’s just say if he was a pencil he’d be looking damn sharp. Them baby blues still have it. This year he proved he is still the man in his most ambitious adventure yet.
***WARNING – SPOILER LINK (just scroll a little to avoid)***
Plus he also smashed gender norms by looking beautifully fishy at a certain part of the story, you all know the part ;).
Nice work Link.
Mario (Mario Odyssey), Machine with Makeup (Nier Automata)
A E S T H E T I C of 2017
Enjoy all the charm of those old timey 30s cartoons without all the * ahem * unpleasantness. Then look no further than Cuphead.
The visuals on this game are jaw-dropping, you could say they made us look at things with a cup half full. The look, music, the animation is all top notch. Well done Cuphead and Mugman. Let’s be real though Mugman is a way cooler name.
If this makes you want to play the title then remember its damn hard, so when you get angry just settle your tea kettle.
Persona 5, Night in the woods
Most Fly/Bugging out of 2017
Marguerite Baker (Resident Evil 7)
I mean ol’ Marge should see a doctor. Why? Cos she has a bad case of the hives.
This creepy older lady has a mean pest problem. Due to this she wins this category by number of bugs alone. Put it this way if she had to go to a dance, it would be the mothball.
Now to the joke we all expected.
And all the girls said she’s pretty fly for a… bug infested creepy white gal. I’m sure Offspring could make this version work.
Capital B (Yooka Laylee), Rumour Honeybottoms (Cuphead)
Wow! What a turnaround of 2017
Last year their main console was the Wii U. A console which was neat but certainly didn’t set the world alight. Made a must have device in the Nes Mini but then spectacularly failed to meet consumer demand.
The 3DS was dragging them along, despite the bungled release of the “new” version of that handheld. With that and mobile efforts they were certainly not down and out but were a far cry from the those golden years where the Wii and DS were printing money.
Though this year they came out swinging. The Switch, the Snes Mini, an updated and affordable 2DS, a new Mario and a new Zelda. Not to mention they actually made products in decent quantities too.
2017 has been sublime for Nintendo, and quite the turnaround from 2016.
Sonic Mania, Assassins Creed Origins
Go on then, you think you can do better. I’ll humour you in the comments section. Joking aside if you have some fun award ideas then pop them below.