bin ladens computer files

The CIA has released Bin Ladens computer files, lets see what games he was in to.

This sounds like a joke but I assure you it is very real, we are going to have a peek inside the mind of known monster of the sesh; Osama Bin Laden.

You know Osama Bin Laden as the war mongering, super heroin trafficking, face of terrorism and all round shit who was behind the 9/11 attacks. The CIA have just released all the files from Bin Ladens computer and you can actually download them (the CIA warns of Malware though, they were seized from an actual terrorist organisation after all).

Osama Bin Laden was killed in May 2011 (which I think makes this ok, it’s been 6 years?) at his compound/home in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Thanks to the CIA releasing these files, we can now see what Bin Laden was up to while in hiding. The contents of the hard drive are actually pretty surprising packed with Anime, Movies, Viral Videos, Pornog (Bin Laden was an absolute grease hound) and of course video games.

Let’s go through the notable inclusions right now:

Final Fantasy VII

Now I don’t know if he got far enough to dress Cloud up as a woman, but the story of the eco-terrorist unit Avalanche fighting against Shinra was probably a story he felt he could relate to. Being a bit of a shit tactician, he appreciated the turn based battle system allowing him as much time as he needed to plan his next move. I shouldn’t think he shed a tear at Aeries death though, or if he did he was very brave and hid in his bedroom while he silently wept.

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars

Chinatown Wars is a literal drug trafficking simulator, although I feel playing a DS game on a PC probably didn’t give him the best gaming experience. I don’t think Bin Laden is the sort of guy who would enjoy going on a crime spree in a virtual city when he was doing exactly that all the time in real life. Maybe it was a good way to test his business models.

GameBoy Advance Emulator

You know how it is, heading over to GBAXEMU to grab the latest GameBoy Advance titles was like crack to me when I was a teen. Blow it up to full screen and add a vaseline filter over it so it looks like a moving oil painting. I can’t find info on what games Bin Laden was seshing on his Visual Boy Advance but I can only assume he was in to the absolute classics of the system. Drill Dozer, Gunstar Future Heroes, Astro Boy, stuff like that.

You may have noticed I only included Japanese developed titles there; Bin Laden famously hated Western Culture.

Zuma Deluxe

Who doesn’t like to kick back to some ball popping bliss that is Zuma? In his downtime I’m sure Bin Laden was well up for sitting in a comfy chair with the mouse pad precariously balanced on the arm, illuminated by the warm glow of his CRT monitor (probably) while getting down with Zuma. This is just a purely zen experience, doesn’t really give us an insight in to the mind of the madman.

Sniper Elite: Zombie Army 2

Much like our very own Jack, Osama was in to the Sniper Elite games. For the uninitiated these are games where you walk slowly around large areas to get the best possible shot off on the bad guys. This version however had some zombies in it instead of the usual Nazis, not that I think Bin Laden would have a problem with killing Nazis. He had a very broad taste in hate after all.

Bin Laden also had copies of the Loose Change conspiracy movies and some PDF’s relating to conspiracies about himself. That is the two extremes of the hard drive contents really, conspiracy theories and the Devil May Cry Anime in it’s entirety. On one hand we have some crazy illuminati conspiracy shit, then the other we also have bootleg retro erotic video games.

Sack, back and crack of the Last Life Club team. If you're reading a post by me about Capcom assume it is all biased, fraudulent lies.