You’ve seen gaming press picking their GOTY nominations year after year and you’re getting all excited (who wouldn’t?) and you want to pick your own. But where do you start?
All the hype around Game of the Year keeps inflating as time marches on. Getting GOTY from one publication isn’t enough for greedy games as there are so many of ‘em. Developers now aim to get the most GOTY Awards for that year, before dropping a massive GOTY Edition of their game with all the overpriced DLC included. Sometimes they don’t even get that award but they do the re-release anyway, that is how much everyone loves GOTY Awards.
That brings us to today; you want to pick your own GOTY but you’re struggling and that is understandable, even the big boy outlets struggle (take it from me, the biggest boy). Luckily for you, my peon, I will break it down for you, step by step so you can play big boy site yourself.
How to pick your Game of the Year
Step 1: Strain your Brain
First of all you have to think “What new games have I played this year?” A lot of people trip up at this point, I don’t mean new to you, I mean it was released in 2017 (apply to whatever year it actually is at this moment in time). Once you have a list of three or more you can move on to Step 2. Personally I think five is a good amount to have in mind.
(Step 1 Prison Rules version: You can also pick games that are remasters or ports, as long as that release was this year).
Step 2: Refresh your memory
Next up you’re going to want to watch some YouTube videos or even play some of your picks to see if they are as good (or maybe better) than you remember. At this point I feel it’s fair to start posting on Twitter about how you’re considering your GOTY nominations and developers should be waiting with bated breath. Let your fans know you are about to speak and they should stop flinging shit at each other and listen.
(Step 2 Prison Rules version: If you see any content from the game on YouTube you’ve never encountered in the game, just pretend you have played that part. You want to frame yourself as an expert in that game)
Step 3: Look at the Titles on a Surface Level
Now you can start making notes on the games “Nice colours in Puyo Puyo Tetris” or “Swords break too easily in Zelda”. Just any basic, casual shit you can think of. Keep it simple, you can bump these up later in Step 7, this way you don’t really need to do any research.
Step 4: How are the graphics, mate?
Check the graphics out. How are they looking? Easy to see? Straight compare them between the titles and start ordering them on the list. Maybe think about the sound as well if you can be arsed; “Good music” etc.
Step 5: Replayability
One that I think is pretty important is replayability, you basically have to ask yourself if you’re going to revisit this in a couple of years. This instantly knocks out any annual releases or sports games, why would you play FIFA 15 when you have 18? If the game doesn’t hold up against it’s already announced sequel, fuck it off. It’s done.
Again, use this to order your games in the list.
Step 6: Your List
Here it is, this is what you’ve worked so hard for. You are now staring your list in the face. How does it look? Think about where this list will put you amongst your peers, you should be aiming for the top. The more shitty, artsy indie games the better really. Bonus points for not mentioning a single AAA game.
This is half the battle though (more like three quarters), get ready to take your list public.
Step 7: Get Verbose
Now you have you’re definitive list you need to fluff up your choices with some pre-written lines. Really pump these up, get ready to tell people that “The freedom of the movement system comes from the constraints placed by the creative Shōkaki” (that is genius in Japanese) or that “The graphics are meant to be bad, the medium is the message, you uncultured tart.” Probably get one or two of these per game, you don’t want to get caught on your arse.
(Step 7 Prison Rules version: Just make stuff up about the background of the game, nobody will fact check you)
Step 8: Tell your Mates
Get in to a good old-fashioned fight with your best mates over how you think Steam World Dig 2 is better than whatever shit it is that they are peddling. The more stupid you can make them feel the better, whenever they speak about their choices you need to really act up.
I like to alternate between rubbing my forehead and breathing heavily out of my nose as if Im really struggling to get on their level (~casual gamer~) and rolling my eyes back in to my skull like I am giving up on life. Make sure you do have something to say if you keep interrupting them with short “uh” sounds. Why not line up one of your bits from Step 7?
(Step 8 Prison Rules version: Don’t be afraid to mumble threats while debating, but if they ask you to repeat yourself, don’t).
Final Step: Tell the World
This is where all the other steps come together and work in unison.
The way to get the most internet validation on Social Media is to be controversial (all interactions are good interactions imo), so take your list to Twitter or anywhere else and post things like “Super Mario Odyssey is the worst Mario game, cheers.” or “Gran Turismo feels like driving in fried piss, I’ll stick with #GearClub”. You can also use some current buzzwords like “Hot take”,”Loot Crate” or “PUBG”, these are all things that are currently on trend.
Then you should find the interactions come flooding in and all of a sudden you are a famous video game personality, well done.
That’s it really, that is all there is to it. People have made loads of money out of being controversial in video games, you get extra money if you’re British and racist as well but that is up to you. Good luck!