Want a slice of the Switch lifestyle on the cheap? Nintendo has your back.

So you want to be one of these classy new Switch owners but you don’t want to be fucking around with unclipping joycons and docking and all that other shit, I hear you. Well, Nintendo are selling an empty Switch retail box for the low price of $5.00 (approx).

You step in to GAME and pick up one of these empty boxes for your collection, you can’t afford a Switch but nobody has to know that. It also folds down which means it will fit perfectly in your briefcase which is super convenient. On your way out of GAME you spot some jocks bullying a little kid about his Nintendo Switch (typical.) You step in and tell them that “the more mature mind prefers a Nintendo console, where you can live many lives and not just one within your mortal coil”.

The jocks naturally can’t compete with your superior intellect and scarper with their tails between their legs. You comfort the boy before he runs to his mother. “Thank you so much for defending me and my son’s honour.” She says while blushing (understandably).

You lift the brim of your fedora and clasp your hands together, shoot off that trademark brave little smile. So she knows it you’ve lived through something, but it was nothing, but it was something. “I’ll pick you up at 8.” You say while charging up your vape for a fat suck.

You leave the empty Nintendo Switch box on your bed side table on full display. “Oh you have one of those Nintendo Switch thingies?” says your gorgeous date for the evening; “Yes, but don’t bother yourselves with such things, m’lady” you reply with as you crack open her favourite Cabernet Sauvignon. “Games are for children, I’m a gentleman of class” you say as you straighten your three-quarter lengths without breaking eye contact.

Nervously, she says “Maybe we can play later..?” as your charisma washes over every fibre in her being. You hush her lips as you just take her all in, “Play? Of course we will.”

Yeah so Nintendo are selling an empty Nintendo Switch box for 540 Yen.

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Sack, back and crack of the Last Life Club team. If you're reading a post by me about Capcom assume it is all biased, fraudulent lies.